Gottman Couples Counseling
Gottman Couples Counseling Proven to Help Struggling Couples!
Relationships can be hard. Even couples who love each other deeply can struggle with arguments, stress, or feeling distant. Sometimes, people don’t know how to talk to each other without fighting or shutting down. That’s where our Gottman Couples Counseling trained counselor can help.
This type of counseling was created by Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Gottman. They spent many years studying couples to understand what makes relationships work. And also what causes them to fall apart (more on that later). The Gottmans are very scientific in their approach to identify what works and what doesn’t in couples treatment. Their work is now used by therapists all over the world to help couples build stronger, healthier relationships.
What Is Gottman Couples Counseling?
Gottman Couples Counseling is a type of therapy that focuses on improving communication, rebuilding trust, and creating more closeness between partners. It’s based on over 40 years of research with thousands of couples.
One of the most famous parts of the Gottmans’ work is something called the “Love Lab.” In this lab, they observed couples talking, fighting, and spending time together. They even measured heart rates and body language. From all this data, they found patterns that show what healthy couples do, and what struggling couples don’t.
The Gottman Method helps couples learn those healthy habits… because we all know many of us did NOT have good relationship role models in our own families. Therapists trained in this method teach skills to help partners listen better, avoid harmful behaviors, and support each other more.
How Does It Work?
Gottman therapy starts with a full assessment of the couple’s current status. The couple meets with a trained therapist to talk about their relationship and share points of strength as well as current and ongoing struggles. They also take a special questionnaire that looks at many parts of their connection—like communication, intimacy, conflict, trust, and shared goals.
After this assessment, the therapist works with the couple to create a plan. This plan focuses on their biggest challenges and helps them grow stronger in areas that need work.
Sessions often include:
Talking about tough topics in a calm, respectful way
Learning how to fight fair—without name-calling or blame
Building rituals of connection, like date nights or checking in during the day
Practicing gratitude and appreciation
Repairing past hurts and rebuilding trust
The therapist guides the couple with openness and helps them practice these skills together. It’s often uncomfortable at first, but we usually see things get easier with practice. The goal is not to be perfect, but to be better partners for each other.
The Four Horsemen: What to Avoid
As I noted earlier, the Gottmans studied the biggest problems that caused relationships to fail. They labeled their findings as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These are four behaviors that, when they happen too often, can ruin a relationship. They are:
Criticism – Attacking your partner’s personality instead of pointing out a problem. Example: “You never help around the house because you’re lazy.”
Contempt – Showing disrespect, sarcasm, or disgust. This is the worst one and can do the most damage.
Defensiveness – Not taking responsibility and blaming your partner instead.
Stonewalling – Shutting down and refusing to respond, often during a fight.
Sound familiar in your relationship? Gottman therapy helps couples notice when these behaviors show up, and then how to replace them with healthier ways to talk and listen.
Building a Stronger Relationship
The Gottman Method isn’t just about fixing problems. It’s also about building a stronger friendship and emotional connection. Healthy couples know how to turn toward each other. That means they respond to their partner’s needs, even in small moments.
For example, if one partner says, “Look at this funny video,” and the other partner stops and watches, that’s turning toward. If the other person ignores them, it’s a missed chance to connect. Over time, these small moments matter a lot.
Couples also learn how to create shared meaning. Things like building traditions, setting goals together, or talking about values or future vision. These things help couples feel like they’re on the same team. Couples learn how to walk alongside each other working together to solve problems, instead of being combative against each other.
Who Can Benefit from Gottman Couples Counseling?
This type of counseling can help all kinds of couples. It works for:
Couples who argue a lot
Couples who feel distant or disconnected
Couples recovering from a betrayal or trust issue
Couples who want to prevent problems before they start
Couples at any stage—from newlyweds to those married for decades
You don’t have to be on the edge of divorce to benefit. Many couples use Gottman therapy to grow closer and stay strong over time. The earlier you start the process, the easier it is to build the strong foundation of a healthy relationship.
Final Thoughts
Every relationship has ups and downs. Even the happiest couples face challenges. But with the right tools and support, it’s possible to get through hard times and come out stronger.
Gottman Couples Counseling gives couples a roadmap. It’s not magic, but it is proven to help through years of research. By learning how to communicate better, repair past hurts, and show more love and respect, couples can build a healthier, more connected relationship.
If you and your partner are struggling, it’s okay to ask for help. Working with a Gottman-trained therapist can be the first step toward healing and growing together. Because when you feel safe, seen, and loved, your whole life gets better—not just your relationship.
If you’re looking for a couples therapist, reach out today. Our couples therapists offer virtual sessions as well as in-person ones to best meet your needs.
Help is out there—you don’t have to do this alone.
